I’m Baaaacccckkk!

Hi, everybody! It has been an extremely long time since I last wrote a blog post here, but I am at a point where I can restart the blog again. I am so excited to catch all my readers up on what has happened to me in the six months since the last blog. There has been so much!! They have been some of the best times of my life. I do want to warn you… this is going to be a long read, lol. You’ve been warned.😊

I never thought I would be able to say this, but this is my first blog as a college graduate. Six years (for a bachelor’s degree), three universities, numerous therapists, and one medical withdrawal later, I officially graduated college. I honestly cannot believe that I get to say that. It has been a month since I walked across that stage, and it still feels surreal. As many of you probably know, I did not think I would live long enough to see graduation. Not only did I graduate, but I graduated Cum Laude. Walking across that stage showed how much I have grown in the last year and a half since I took my mental health break. I was able to prove to the world, and more importantly, myself, that I could do this. That I wasn’t just a waste or a failure. That piece of paper means more to me. That piece of paper proves that I am stronger than my worst days, better than yesterday, and growing for tomorrow. That piece of paper helped bring happiness back into my life.

With that being said, college was the damn reason I had to give up on “Jakey’s Takeys” for the last six months. My classes this previous semester were damn frustrating. They weren’t necessarily hard, but they were just time-consuming. Also, most of my classes this semester were writing-heavy. It was hard to motivate myself to write posts when I had discussion posts, journal entries every other day, and PowerPoints due at least once a week. I just got sick of sitting at a computer and writing sentence after sentence, so I just said, “Fuck it,” and put the blog away.

GRADUATING COLLEGE IS JUST THE BEGINNING OF THIS POST… WE AREN’T EVEN TO THE GOOD STUFF YET!!!

Not only did I graduate during this little hiatus, but I also met one of the most important people in my life! Her name is Alexis, or as I like to call her, Lexiipro. It’s funny because we went to elementary school and even had some classes together in high school. Still, we didn’t reconnect until I started writing the blog. She started following me on Instagram, reading the blog, and then eventually sharing the blog. One day, she slid into my DMs, and the rest, as they say, is history. We spent a few months being “just friends” and lying to ourselves. I remember telling her I had anxiety because I was worried about having to “friendzone” her. LMFAO. SMH. We literally both denied it to ourselves and to our friends. We told them that nothing was going on, just a blossoming friendship. I remember, early on, taking a trip to Phoenix with my friends Jordan and Tony. This was about a month into our talking stage. Jordan and Tony said numerous things about who I was texting that weekend. They had never seen me text somebody like this before. They gave me shit all weekend, and I kept telling them, “Nothing is going on!” Boy, was I fucking wrong.

Jordan and Tony also weren’t the only ones that noticed a change. I was living with my dad and stepmom at that time. They both also saw a difference in my demeanor and my mood. My dad would constantly ask me why I was laughing at my phone. I would blush and tell them, “My friend said something funny.” I don’t know why I denied it for so long or lied to myself and her. It was just so scary. I never thought she would fall for me. I’ll tell you exactly why… I remember having a conversation with her about tattoos. She double-texted me and said, “Every time I like someone else, they’re in a different state.” I was living in Alabama, “a whole different state” than her. So, I thought she was talking about liking me. She was like, “No, a tattoo artist.” That was the moment I told myself this girl would never fall for me. I had to play it off that I was disappointed in the place she goes for her tattoos, but I was really disappointed she wasn’t talking about having a crush on me. However, as I went through our old messages to find that specific conversation, it’s crazy that it took us as long as it did to realize our feelings. Every single text is so flirty. We constantly went back and forth, but neither would make the first move.

One day in December, I finally realized my true feelings for Lexii. We were celebrating Christmas with my stepmom’s family. I was sitting next to my dad when a text from Lexii came up on my phone. I opened it up immediately and started grinning. My dad looked over and said, “What the fuck are you smiling at?” Suddenly, something just clicked in me. I knew exactly how I felt about this girl. It all just made sense. This was not just a friendship; there were feelings of love. This girl just makes me laugh all the damn time. She is so fucking funny. This was a girl that I wanted to be more than friends with and see where things could go. Good thing I did. She has literally brought so much happiness into my life. It has been such a fun, crazy, and wild adventure with her, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I could not be happier. She is literally the COOLEST PERSON EVER. I LOVE HER. She makes my days so much brighter. I can’t imagine what life would have been like if I never started dating her.

AND… that’s almost exactly what happened. Even after confessing our feelings, we almost never started an actual relationship. It is all because of her that we are where we are today. We are together because of her. Literally, two days before our first date, I might have freaked out on her a little bit. So, it was Christmas Eve, and we had a little bit of a rough conversation. Neither of us was feeling particularly well. And I just started panicking and saying shit I never really meant. I started saying things like I couldn’t do this and that we shouldn’t do this.

I ruined her Christmas Eve and Day, but she didn’t give up. She kept texting me and being patient with me. She kept telling me, “I want you to face me and tell me it’s over. It’s easier to say something over text. Look me in the face and tell me that’s what you want.” I can’t tell you how incredibly fortunate I am that she did that. She wasn’t going to go down without a fight. I can’t tell you what it means that she didn’t do that. I don’t know what life would be like right now. I am literally crying as I write this because that Monday was one of the best days of my life. As soon as I got in that car, I knew this was the real deal. As soon as I saw her, I knew this was what I wanted. That first date was incredible; it was a day I will never forget. I will never forget that moment when she came to hug me, and I just went for it. She whispered, “Friends, don’t do that.” It was literally pure joy!

WE ARE STILL NOT EVEN TO THE BEST PART!

If you know me, you know that my only real dream in life has been to start a family and raise children. I have known for a long time that my purpose in this world is to be a father. I want that more than anything in the world. Well, now that is exactly what I get to do. I am going to be a dad!!! Not only am I going to be a dad, but I am going to be a girl dad!!! I am literally so fucking excited! I will never forget how Lexii told me too. She kept telling me she wasn’t feeling good and literally kept telling me she was pregnant. She could tell. We went and bought a pregnancy test one weekend. After taking the taste, she quietly stepped out of the bathroom, and I just knew. I started yelling, “IS IT POSITIVE?” She was a little less enthused, not that she wasn’t happy, she was just in a little more shock. Next thing I know, she wings the pregnancy test at my head, and I take a look… IT’S POSITIVE. Peep the photo below for Lexii’s gut reaction! LMFAO

Fast forward to last Sunday; we just discovered we are having a little girl. We just had the gender reveal a couple of days ago. For the theme of the party, we did baseballs or bows. Throughout the entire pregnancy, Lexii has wanted a boy. She made that very clear from day 1. She wanted to have a boy this time, but as I said, I was always meant to be a girl dad. So, she wore blue, and I wore the color pink. We had a vote where our friends and family could pink if they thought it would be a girl or a boy. I wanted a girl, but we really thought it would be a boy. The heartbeat was low, she was carrying extremely low, and she was craving sour stuff. All the old wives’ tales told us we were having a boy. I couldn’t believe it when I hit that baseball, and pink just started flying everywhere. I was so shocked! I am literally still on cloud nine! THAT WAS LITERALLY THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE! Until our little baby girl is actually born. 😊

I could write about this forever, but I hit all the big highlights! I just can’t describe how amazing these last few months have been! They have literally been some of the best months of my life! I have accomplished so much and have grown so much! I have grown into the person I am genuinely excited to be! I didn’t think this day would come. It really is always “darkest before the dawn!” I am so fucking excited for this next chapter! I am living the life I’ve always wanted.

What have you all been up to in the months during this hiatus?